How To Overcome Social Anxiety (With a Little Practice)

I first wanted to mention that it’s a very well-documented and researched fact that we all have different personalities and behavioral preferences. There are introverts and there are extroverts. Introverts tend to be de-energized or drained by social interaction, whereas extroverts are recharged and boosted by that dealing with other people factor in life.

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I myself have an introverted preference but can be just as extroverted as the best of them when I need to be. But when I do a big event or a party or even a family gathering, I do feel drained at the end of it. These are people I love and know and enjoy spending time with, but it’s just a matter of the preferences that have built up and matured over my lifespan.

With that out of the way, you could make an argument that you can’t really overcome social anxiety, so maybe don’t let that hold you back. But rather, you can gain the toolset that helps you work with the social anxiety. The anxiety is not a bad thing, it’s just your body saying, “Hey, I feel a little uncomfortable here. I’ve got all of this extra energy and I don’t know where to send it.” Well, that’s your job.

Use that energy to send it where you need it. Don’t focus on the energy and the effect it’s having on your body itself. That will only make it worse. It’s like focusing on the pain of your chipped tooth. It’s just going to make it worse. Use that anxiety, that worry, that feeling of fear of the unknown. Channel that energy and ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen? If the worst happened, what is one thing that I can do?” Then, “What is one thing that I can do right now that can move me one step closer to that?” and then, “What’s stopping me from doing that?”

Lastly, consider what you can do to help build up that skill for the future, today. That is the general path of using that energy that your body is trying to transcribe and tell you about to make the situation more bearable, and maybe even enjoyable. So don’t think about overcoming. Think about using, retransforming, redirecting and focusing on something useful for your life and those around you. Flip up the frame. Think about it in a way that makes more sense for you, knowing that it’s actually a good thing and is a protective measure for you when you’re “out in the wild.” Chances are, that’s not all that useful of a pattern anymore. Make it useful.

It’ll be uncomfortable at first, but you have to figure out how this makes sense in your life and what you can do about it. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your social interactions just a little bit more and use that anxiety for the good of all.