Small talk means subjects that people go to automatically when they feel the need to speak with people and really have nothing else to say. I believe many people are uncomfortable just being, and need constantly speak. They may also feel that society or culture tells them that they need to acknowledge or communicate with other people even when it’s a waste of time.
The most important thing about topics for small talk is that each topic should be something that everyone in the conversation can participate in. If one person shares a story, it should keep everyone’s attention, and someone else should be able to follow it with a similar story. Topics like the weather, current events, weekend plans, sports, and other things that a wide selection of people can relate to are best.
This is a topic that is near and dear to the hearts of my readers, researchers, and website visitors. So much so that one of them were kind enough to share their own personal opinions. I don’t claim to be the best interviewer in the world, but I do promise some good, raw, and honest answers from normal people like you and me. I do my best to NOT filter these answers, except for the bad words and hateful speech.
With that little blurb out of the way, let’s dive right into the juicy bits of (potentially) life-changing insights.
Current Topic: Topics For Small Talk
‘R’ = Richard N. Stephenson (me!)
‘I’ = Interviewee (anonymous by request unless otherwise noted)
R: Explain why this topic is important to people like you and me.
I: I find that small talk can lead to new friendships, when I meet someone new I always introduce myself. If I’m at the cash register I would see what the person is buying and mention that the product they have works really well and I have had good luck with it. If someone was wearing a football logo shirt I would mention how good that team has been playing and talk about past games with them. If I see someone trying to pick a movie and not sure what to pick I would mention a name of a good movie that I recently saw and let them know how good it was and they would pick that movie.
R: I’m wondering, what do you think about this subject is so important now-a-days?
I: While small talk may seem trivial or contrite in interactions among ones peers or friends, there can be great value in being a skilled “small talker”. There are several ways in which small talk can change somebodies life, perhaps none as important as in the workplace. Small talk enables us to assimilate to our superiors as well personalize the relationship as opposed to being strictly professional. A skilled small talker will find a subject that interest their “target” and use that to gain an audience.Another instance in which topics for small talk can be a life changing event is in the world of dating. The entire goal of small talk is to ease into conversation in an attempt to spark a more personable interaction or to at least introduce ones self. Being able to pick an appropriate topic for small talk with the right person can lead to much deeper conversation. As a general rule, the old adage of avoiding politics and religion generally hold true.
R: How do you think this could be used for personal development or just being a better person overall?
I: Anytime a person shows a concern for another person’s interests or well being, that is beneficial small talk. It shows that the person asking genuinely cares about the person being asked. For example: Ask the other person about their children and how they are doing in school or extra curricular activities. It will make that person feel good to talk about their children and show that you do care. Another small talk topic is to offer help to another person, it shows that you really care about that persons life, like “If you ever need a help with household chores or to babysit for you, give me a call, I’d be happy to help if you need me”.
R: In general, what type or person (or someone specifically!) typifies this subject to you?
I: Someone like Jay Leno is best at this because he can take some one off the street and just make an interview with them on air, live and have a lot of fun with it. He also has a gift of taking a star and asking them different questions and getting a 10 minute story out of them with ease …very good at what he does
R: Who’s the flat-out worst at this subject?
I: For a person in a business or profession, small talk is an art. It is important to find a topic that is personally interesting to you to use in small talk. At the same time, small talk is a way to network and bond with people, and get to know them. Therefore, it is important that the person picking the topic avoid anything that is too emotional or controversial. While many people are interested in politics, for example, it is usually too polarizing to get a good ice breaker. One of the worst ways that someone could break the ice with a total stranger would be to direct the question to a totally controversial topic. For example, your first question at a cocktail party should not ask a person his or her views on abortion. It is simply an inappropriate topic for small talk.
R: Please, share with us what would make this topic more prevailent in your life?
I: First, I assess the individual with which I will make small talk. Then, based on my assumptions, I carry on with the small talk. For example, if I see a young athletic male, I will mention a local sports team and how a game went. Basically, I just try to notice something about the individual and try to start a conversation that they can relate to.
R: What parts of the daily routine are best for making this subject more useful?
I: A good time is when you encounter someone you see often and do not have much to talk to talk about. Another good time is someone you do not know very well or do not care to share too much information with. A really good time for this kind of talking is also when you encounter someone and you do not have time to make any real conversation. You also may do this to someone that has status over you that you do not want to appear to not acknowledge.
R: Whan’s just a really bad time to be working on this subject?
I: An inappropriate time for small talk topics would be after a big life announcement, like announcing a new job, plans to get married, that you are having a baby, etc. Introducing small talk topics into the conversation after a big life announcement seems to belittle the situation, and demonstrate that the listener does not really care. A big life announcement lends itself very easily to lots of conversation, and I would consider bringing in topics for small talk at that time to be extremely rude.
R: Is there at least one place you can think of that people should consider bringing this into their daily lives?
I: The best place to make ‘topics for small talk’ part of your daily life is to go where other people make small topic. If you work in an office, the stereotypical place is the water-cooler. Go there, drink some water, and chat about how work is doing or how your daughter’s birthday party went last week-end or whether or not you think the boss will give you time off. Will the weather be good this week-end for kayaking?Topics for small talk have the possibility to come up in any kind of human interaction, from ordering coffee to saying good morning on your commute to work. The possibility for these topics is already a part of your daily life, so recognize it.
R: Give an example of where folks should not be working on this subject.
I: When you are in the library and people engage in small talk, it is not only disturbing to the ones around you who are trying to engage in contemplative study time or trying to find a quiet place to read, but it is also rude. It feels like the persons are trying to bring attention to themselves. They can just easily leave and take it outside.
R: Describe the type of person who will get the most out of this?
I: Someone who is trying to work themselves up the corporate ladder. If someone wants to get a promotion their work alone won’t get them that. They have to prove that they can make conversation and show that they are knowledgeable. Being able to come up with appropriate small talk topics helps them stand out front their fellow employees.
R: How would you recommend people get started on this topic?
I: People who struggle with topics for small talk are asking the wrong question of themselves. The key to successful small talk is to try to find topics that both interest you and will interest the person to whom you are talking. Ask a few questions, and try to determine an area where the person and you share a common interest. Then ask questions to draw out the person’s interest, expertise, and passion in an area where you are also interested. For example, if you are interested in travel, ask the person to describe the most interesting place that they’ve visited. Be interested in their response, and set a goal of asking the person as least two follow up questions about their opinions or observations. Ask open-ended questions in areas that interest you, and you will never run out of topics for small talk.
R: What’s something people should avoid if they’re looking into this subject?
I: Do not talk about really heavy or in-depth topics, like heart surgery or war. Small talk is exactly what it’s named for, small. You shouldn’t delve into deeper issues because small talk is supposed to be light and simple, something you can talk about off the top of your head without having to think about it.
R: What’s the very next step someone should take to learn more about this topic?
I: One of my approaches to small talk is to answer questions in slightly complicated sentences that reveal more than one fact about me. The idea is to give the other person several different ways that they can take the conversation. For example, if someone asks my favorite beers, I tell them that one of my favorites is Maccabee, which I had when I was in Tel Aviv on business last May. I would then ask them their favorite drink. They can choose to answer, or ask whether I enjoyed Tel Aviv, travel a lot on business, what the weather is like in Tel Aviv in May, etc. So I would say that if you want to get better at small talk, answer a question today in a way that gives the person you are talking to several ways to take the conversation, any of which would interest you.
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Thank you for reading this personal journey into becoming a better person and having a better future ahead of you. I hope you enjoyed this interview conversation and found golden nuggets you can immediately apply to your daily life.
If you’re interested in discovering how to use small talk to succeed at work, transform your introversion into a useful skill, and handle those annoying coworkers, then check out Just Say Something!.
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