Small talk means making conversation when you see someone that you need to acknowledge but no that well or even like that much. It is typically a conversation held at a social function or when meeting someone unexpectedly. For me, the small talk entails me conveying information or asking questions that let the other person know I remember a specific fact about him/her or her life from our previous encounter. I convey to them either by providing information or asking questions that I care about following up on a previous topic or something they are interested in.
Small talk isn’t always a pointless way to pass time and avoid an awkward silence. I, for example, get a lot of my knowledge about the news and certain subjects in school simply by talking to a few of my classmates. This small talk has, more than a few times, saved me from missing a deadline, avoiding huge traffic jams, getting another question right on a test that I didn’t previously know, and also keep me updated on what is going on campus and around the world because I don’t always watch the news every day.
This is a topic that is near and dear to the hearts of my readers, researchers, and website visitors. So much so that one of them were kind enough to share their own personal opinions. I don’t claim to be the best interviewer in the world, but I do promise some good, raw, and honest answers from normal people like you and me. I do my best to NOT filter these answers, except for the bad words and hateful speech.
With that little blurb out of the way, let’s dive right into the juicy bits of (potentially) life-changing insights.
Current Topic: Useful Small Talk
‘R’ = Richard N. Stephenson (me!)
‘I’ = Interviewee (anonymous by request unless otherwise noted)
R: What do you think is the most important thing about this topic?
I: Useful small talk is helpful because it can give you guidance in life. If you are talking with someone, they can say one word that may cause an idea to spark. That one idea could help you change a big part of your life or help change your views on life.
R: Sometimes, I think this kind of stuff could really help people in life – what do you think?
I: Small talk can change someone’s life out they really need someone to talk to but don’t have anyone to talk to. For instance, there could be an old man walking on the street the old man is alone with no one to talk to. You can start a conversation with him and just talk small talk. That conversation could be what will keep him alive and active throughout the day. People need people.
R: Please tell me about your own experience with this topic and how it helped someone be better.
I: You never know what you might learn about a person when making small talk. They may be a total stranger, but by making small talk, you can learn personal details that make them become friends. Or you might learn an invaluable insight into your own life.
R: Is there anyone you can think of that seems to be a great role-model as far as this topic is concerned.
I: Politicians. At least with the “common people”. At times their sole goal is to get votes and they achieve this by engaging in small talk with citizens of their city, state, or country. This gives them an “everyman” image.
R: Do you know anyone who could use a little more help on this?
I: People who aren’t good at small talk usually suffer from one of three issues. The first issue happens when a person can’t find interest in the other person’s lives. You’ve got to be interested in what happens in other people’ lives and what they think and feel to be successful at small talk. The second issue that prevents people from making useful small talk is not being able to ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer. It is a tedious conversation if all you can do is come up with one yes or no question after another. What you want to do is to get the person talking and then … listen! And that brings us to the third issue that some people have with making useful small talk. They don’t listen. If you just really listen and try to find interest in what a person is saying, then most of the time you’ll hear the person say plenty of things that you can ask more questions about.
R: Think of your daily routine – how does this topic fit into the overall scheme of things?
I: I guess useful small talk is a good way of breaking the ice in lots of situations. In my life, things tend to go south if the tension hasn’t been settled when meeting new people, so having useful small talk that is relevant would allow me to become better acquainted with certain people.
R: Pick a time, pick any time… when should folks out there bring this idea into their lives?
I: Useful small talk can be made when getting to know someone. You are showing them attention when you chat with them. Also, when you are having your hair done, you can show your beautician that you care about them by talking to them in a kind manner. When you spend time with someone even shooting the breeze, it shows you care about them, such as with an elderly person. Just visiting with them and talking shows you love and care about them.
R: Give me an example of a bad time to dive deeper into this subject, please.
I: During a church service. Because the person that your talking to may really wanting to hear what the preacher has to say. And also some people can here the truth as to what god has to say to them. And finally it is just plain rude to do.
R: If you can to name a place where this topic works really well, where would that be?
I: One of the best places to make useful small talk is at church because someone may provide me with a scripture that is pertinent to my situation that will encourage me in my day to living.Another place would be the grocery store because someone may tell me about an item that is on sale. At home is a place for useful small talk because important events from the day may be shared.
R: Can you explain a place (or places) where you just wouldn’t even consider using this topic in your life?
I: If you are at work and over exercise your right to useful small talk, that is, talk instead of work, this can be negative. Some useful small talk is good to get to know your coworkers, but it should not be excessive. Maybe have a goal of trying to have a one minute ‘useful small talk’ per (certain) coworkers to let them know you care about them, but then get back to work. No small talk would indicate either you are stuck up or uncaring. Everything in moderation, right!
R: Think for a second about who needs to learn more about this subject. Now, describe them to us, please.
I: I spend a great deal of time with the Amish, and I have to say they aren’t all that chatty. I suppose if I had it my way I would want to have more conversations and small talk with them. However, that’s just not how their culture is.
R: If you could only give one piece of advice for this folks out there, what would it be?
I: I would instruct them that if they feel inadequate when it comes to small talk they should broaden their knowledge about everyday things. Sports, weather, and local news are common examples. However, I would also instruct them to avoid discussions about politics and religion as those topics tend to spark arguments more often that not.
R: How would you describe the most dangerous thing about this subject?
I: You should never ask someone how much they make, their religious views or political views. These topics are generally regarded as taboo. Any one of these can instantly turn someone away from wanting to talk to you.
R: How would you describe a practical step we could take today to get more done on this topic?
I: I would consider useful small talk a way to gather information about a person so that you can connect with that person. So listening is very important. For example, if I was talking to my daughter’s teacher on a cold day outside and she mentioned how great a coffee would be right now, I could commit that to memory and at some point in the future surprise her with a coffee just to show my appreciation for her, and to show that I was listening and remembering things that are important to her.
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Thank you for reading this personal journey into becoming a better person and having a better future ahead of you. I hope you enjoyed this interview conversation and found golden nuggets you can immediately apply to your daily life.
If you’re interested in discovering how to use small talk to succeed at work, transform your introversion into a useful skill, and handle those annoying coworkers, then check out Just Say Something!.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or personal life-changing wisdom below.