I would assume (in most cases) small talk is talking with someone you are not very close to. It probably suggests everyday chit chat, such as how is the weather or how has work been. The target person you are talking to is probably a neighbor, a acquaintance [not a friend] or some coworker. You probably really don’t care about what you are talking about and are only having the conversation because you feel that you have to unless you want to appear not polite.
People who talk too much love hearing their own voice. That’s the most important thing to remember when talking to them. You don’t really need to say a lot or say anything meaningful to keep the conversation going. Just put in a word or two to indicate that you’re there and you’re listening, and the small talk will continue with little or no effort at all on your part.
This is a topic that is near and dear to the hearts of my readers, researchers, and website visitors. So much so that one of them were kind enough to share their own personal opinions. I don’t claim to be the best interviewer in the world, but I do promise some good, raw, and honest answers from normal people like you and me. I do my best to NOT filter these answers, except for the bad words and hateful speech.
With that little blurb out of the way, let’s dive right into the juicy bits of (potentially) life-changing insights.
Current Topic: Small Talk With People Who Talk Too Much
‘R’ = Richard N. Stephenson (me!)
‘I’ = Interviewee (anonymous by request unless otherwise noted)
R: Explain why this topic is important to people like you and me.
I: You can learn a lot of things about their life and personality. Since they will be doing most of the talking, you don’t have to try as hard to keep the conversation going. Also you might end up becoming friends with them by finding out that you two have a lot in common.
R: What is the biggest, life-changing thing that could come from this topic?
I: My old boss talks way too much. He was always striking up conversation with strangers out in public. One such random conversation in public actually led to him landing a sweet job, right after he had lost his job. It came at a good time, as he had 2 children and an aging father to support. He is still with the company 7 years later. I’d say his life was changed for the better due to his engaging in small talk.
R: Explain what about this subject could help people be just all around better.
I: I think it would depend on the reason for why said people are talking too much. If it’s due to arrogance or a lack of empathy, there might not be much that can be gained from the conversation. However, if the person doing the excessive talking is compensating for other feelings, like shyness or insecurity, making small talk might them feel more calm or relaxed. Both parties involved might end the contact for the better.
R: Describe the perfect person to be the poster-child for this topic.
I: People who act indifferently to the conversation but still want to retain a facade of politeness. Those who are intelligent enough to guide the person who talks to much in to areas they might not know about. Someone who is easily satisfied with banal conversation and understands how to act polite, even in situations they might not like. Someone who is amicable even to people they might not like.
R: Who’s the flat-out worst at this subject?
I: My sister in-law is the worst regarding small talk. She exaggerates on a regular basis and flat out lies, including one time where she betrayed my daughter (her niece) to my spouse (her sister) regarding phantom texts sent among my spouse’s OTHER sisters. The worst part is that my spouse still has a relationship with her sister because my sister in-law depends on my spouse to be her surrogate mother going all the way back to their childhoods. That was a mouth-full!
R: If you had to pick right now, how could you use this subject in your life more?
I: A few of my friends engage in repetitive or unrelated small talk when they have noting valuable to add to a conversation. I avoid this type of situation by asking carefully worded questions which are not open ended enough for them to continue on. The other method I use is to take clear control of the path of the conversation and prevent them from straying or badgering me with long winded explanations about how they don’t like the weather. I suppose ultimately, I try to steer the conversation away from small talk and toward a meaningful conversation about something else.
R: When do you think the average person should start paying attention to this topic?
I: When you are at an event where you don’t know many people and want to pass the time. When you have no one else to talk to. When you are stressed over a certain situation and need a distraction to take your mind off of it.
R: When do you think folks should absolutely NOT work on this topic?
I: Avoid small talk with chatty people when you don’t personally have the time or energy to be involved with them. It’s better to avoid the conversation, politely of course, than to be in the conversation only half-heartedly. If you’re only partially listening or obviously eager to end the discussion, it can be hurtful to the other person and damaging to the relationship. It’s better to be honest upfront and tell the person you’d love to talk, but you just don’t have time right now.
R: Where’s the best place someone can bring this topic into their life?
I: The best place to make small talk with people who talk too much is when you have nothing else to do. Having a long conversation with an acquaintance can be an inconvenience if you are in a big hurry. But on your daily bus ride, or while waiting at the laundry mat, making small talk with a big talker can be interesting, and help pass the time.
R: What place is this subject just totall inappropriate for?
I: The worst place to do this is probably any place either you, or the people around you, consider a “study area.” The classic example is a library but this can be extended to any room or area where the majority of people go with the expectation for quiet. Instigating a long conversation with avid talker can create a lot of ill-will towards you and your friend. It’s rarely worth it for small talk.
R: Describe the type of person who will get the most out of this?
I: An organization that relies on speed to serve the need of their customers. Fast food is an example. If the customer is holding up the line by engaging in too much small talk, that could irritate a lot of people. They need to kill the conversation quickly.
R: How would you recommend people get started on this topic?
I: If you want to limit how long a conversation goes on the best thing to do is tailor your answers and responses so that they do not invite further conversation. Don’t show interest in what the other person is saying (though don’t be rude). Most importantly remain politely noncommittal whenever you are asked something. Eventually the small talk will die off because there is no reciprocity in the conversation.
R: Give me an idea of something people should avoid in learning more about this topic.
I: While small talk can be a very valuable social tool, those that talk to much can take an otherwise pleasant experience and make it mind numbing. By in large, small talk should be kept to subject matter that is “vanilla” and non-controversial, unless you are trying to accomplish a very specific task (trying to get a manager or superior to view you more favorably). Whenever a controversial subject matter such as religion or politics is involved in small talk, it is not uncommon for a “chatterbox” to take the topic and run with it. Another area to avoid in small talk are things that involve abstract thinking or reasoning. These types of subjects allow a “talker” to explore the ins and outs of the subject while putting you to sleep!
R: How would you describe a practical step we could take today to get more done on this topic?
I: If you want to make small talk with people who talk too much already, I think the most actionable thing you can do is to pay attention to what those people are talking about most of the time. If they are mentioning sports reportedly, then pay attention to the sports headlines of the day — If you are from Kansas City and the Chiefs continued their undefeated streak in the NFL, it would be helpful for you to know that they did that when you meet this person later in the week. At the very least, small talk is exactly that: easy, thoughtless conversation that is more or less a mutual acknowledgement that the other person is alive and well and that you know them. No one minds what you talk about — just talk and talk in a polite, attentive way.
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Thank you for reading this personal journey into becoming a better person and having a better future ahead of you. I hope you enjoyed this interview conversation and found golden nuggets you can immediately apply to your daily life.
If you’re interested in discovering how to use small talk to succeed at work, transform your introversion into a useful skill, and handle those annoying coworkers, then check out Just Say Something!.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or personal life-changing wisdom below.