Patterns play a very important part of your life and you probably don’t even realize it, yet. But know that awareness is key when it comes to gaining better control over your life.
Everything we do on an unconscious level is a pattern. Everything. Something we learned, accepted, and make part of our normal daily routines. Even the most simple things.
For instance, you meet a new person and he sticks his hand out to you, you don’t even think about it. You reach out, start shaking it, and probably smile and say hello. In addition to the visible physical patterns, you allowed a stranger to get into your personal space, share a smile, a touch, and start a friendship – even if only a small one.
A lot happens behind the scenes.
Folding Arms is Hard Work
The example I like to do in person is to ask people to fold their arms. Go ahead and do it now. Seriously. Okay now unfold your arms – I have a question for you.
Which arm was folded on top? You probably don’t remember, but you’re folding your arms right now so you can see, right?
Now consciously choose to fold your arms the same way and notice which one is on top. It’s a lot easier to figure out what’s happening this time, right? Now, if you for whatever reason decide to switch arms, you know when to change your pattern and try something different.
Just for fun, try and cross your arms the opposite way you’re used to. What happened?
I still can’t do it without really trying hard and focusing. That really emphasizes the fact that changing patterns takes some real effort.
Nifty homework assignment: the next time you go in for a handshake, turn your hand a little to the side, smile real big, and raise your eyebrows. See what kind of response you get and what it feels like for you. (don’t do the ‘pulling them in close’ part – you might get hurt!)
Breaking the Bad Habit Pattern
These patterns happen for “bad habits,” too. Drinking, smoking, serial dating, poor work performance, watching too much TV, etc are all part of a pattern. Something starts the pattern or routine and your body unconsciously carries out the rest.
Your body is truly a wonderful and amazing machine, doing exactly what you ask. You just have to be sure you’re asking the right questions.
If you want to change, you’ve got to change the pattern AND replace it with something new. Many people try to change the pattern, but forget to replace it with something beneficial that requires just as much or more energy.
Trying to quit shopping 5 times a week? How about cutting back on TV for an extra 7 hours this week? You’re going to have replace that habit with something with just as much “perceived benefit” and required energy to get it to stick. You get a lot of comfort from your current habits – your replacements must do the same, but better.
So the short of patterns is: to make a change, start looking for the patterns. See the pattern, start the change. Start the change, keep on going.
Got any habits that just won’t seem to budge?