I first started out in my married relationship to my wonderful wife. I hated doing all of the little honeydew chores. Surely, you can understand where I am coming from. You come from a life of independence and immediately get thrown into one of partnership and compromise. There is necessarily some time required to work out the details.
“NO! You cannot have any of my rainbow sherbert, Henry. And that’s the last time I tell you, mister.”
So the toilet seat down, the changing of toilet paper, the take out the trash at a specific time, and making sure the socks are in a certain location, and other associated little things like that, became very important.
Being the guy that I am, I couldn’t see the importance behind these things because I was looking from a logical perspective that I am familiar with. However, once I started getting over myself and seeing the bigger picture of helping the relationship grow, I got the motivation to start doing the things that were needed. Here are 3 things you can use to give yourself a dose of motivation right now:
1. Stop Being So Hateful
That’s probably not a great way to think about it but put it into perspective of if you’re not doing something to help out the relationship, you’re really showing some level of hate. Too strong of a word? I’ll let you decide, but if you’re deciding to get upset because your partner is complaining you didn’t put the toilet seat down, what’s really going on? Is it really that big of a deal or is it that you just don’t like being controlled?
Newsflash – you’re not being controlled. You’re just being asked to put the toilet seat down. You’re being asked to change a habit you’re used to, because it benefits the person you love. You don’t need any further explanation into that. Rise above it all and see it as something useful for someone else. If you just met each other, guaranteed, you would do something little like that. What’s changed since then that would make you not do these things?
2. Start Imagining What “Finished” Looks Like
To get away from the relationship example, if you don’t have the motivation to get an actual project done or a chore done at home, it’s probably because you’re not really focusing on what “finished” looks like.
When you get a clear understanding of what the end-goal or end-product is, then you can have that real picture in your mind and work towards it. This may not sound very useful but when you know that you want to take a vacation to Disneyland and you can picture that castle and that delicious cotton candy, then I guarantee you’ll have more internal motivation to start making the plans to get there.
3. Take Just One Small Step
Keeping all of this in your mind, on paper, or in mini-conversations between those involved, is useful but it’s not the complete picture. If you can commit to just taking the very first smallest step towards the goal that you have in mind, you’ve started the process. You’ve overcome that static friction that is required to get going.
I know that’s nerdy physics but it’s true for getting stuff done too. You have to overcome that initial resistance to get the momentum to go on to the next step, to the next step and then the step after that.
Start Loving What You Do
Stop saying you hate doing things and start thinking about how you can get things done. Gain some motivation by stop being so hateful. Start figuring out what “finished” looks like and then decide to take one small step towards that end goal. Do these things and you’ll begin to be more productive, confident and full of motivation for the rest of your life.