What if the person you’ve been dating, pining over, and spending every waking moment thinking about turns out to be the one you were meant to be with? Sure, sure it sounds a little too good to be true but just imagine with me here for a minute. Imagine a world of things finally working out in every way possible and both of you getting exactly what you want. Sounds great, right?
Something that comes up a lot during career development is the opportunity to relocate. A lot of times, this can be tough for couples and marriages. There is a wide range of tough situations that no one person could possible fully understand.
That’s why I’ve hit the pavement and decided to gather a ton of survey data about the most relevant long distance relationship advice I could find. I posted a survey to hundreds of people about what matters most, and need the most attention, in these situations.
Word of warning: these results have been looked over, but I kept in the raw and personal responses in order to give you the many perspectives of everyone who participated. Sure, some of them are obvious, some are a bit sad, but there are others that will be absolutely enlightening for your situation.
Below is part 5 of this 5 part series on boosting your ability to make a long distance relationship work.
If you’d like to read the rest of the posts, here are parts 1, 2, 3, & 4.
This is “Forever One?” part and it covers the following topics:
- Trust
- Commitment
- Online Only Dating
The format for these parts will be something like this: all parts are broken down into main subsection of the part at hand. Each subsection has a few questions inside. Each question has a large list of responses from the survey takers. That’s it! Now let’s jump right on in.
Forever One?: Trust
Ways to build trust in the relationship?
- Hand responsibility over to your partner and see how they handle the situation
- Gut feeling
- Length of time spent with partner
- Knowing the person before you get into a relationship
- Performing tasks together
- One of the big ones is to be reliable. Do what you say.
- Fulfill all your promises no matter what. If you can’t promise it, don’t make it.
- Be completely honest with your SO. Don’t lie and they won’t have a reason to suspect you being untruthful.
- Integrity is a big one. Show your loyalty to your SO. Show strong morals. Definitely do not have double standards.
- Be open. Share your feelings and your thoughts with your SO. They are there for anything. Don’t close them out.
Warning signs to look for in relationship trust?
- They call you less and less
- They don’t return any of your messages
- When they talk to you, they don’t say much
- They accuse you of cheating or lying without any proof
- They lie to you often and don’t admit it when caught
Forever One?: Commitment
Ways to build commitment in the relationship?
- Make daily phone calls to each other
- Trust your partner without that you have nothing
- Arrange times for you to make video calls
- Remember why you decided to try a long distance relationship and focus on that during tough times
- Decide if you are really committed to the relationship
- Should make sure to communicate clearly what your expectations are of the relationship.
- Make sure to have at least contact once a day (or whatever the parameters you set).
- Don’t forget important dates like anniversaries and birthdays – if you’re away, make sure the date is extra special
- Make sure to meet physically at least a few times a year to build trust and have a set date when you two will finally be together
- Work together and build confidence in one another through different types of communication like Skype to phone, etc.
Warning signs to look for in relationship commitment?
- Be careful when the other person declines to spend much time with you
- Be wary when they will not allow you to call them at home
- Find out why they may be reluctant to stay at your place over night
- Notice if they are reluctant to make any long term plans
- Ask why they do not introduce you to their family and friends
- If they don’t make you happy, don’t go for it. Chances are, those feelings aren’t going to change.
- It could be a bad idea if there is alcohol and drug abuse from their past. If they are on the road to recovery, it’s up to you.
- If there is a lot of emotional baggage and you aren’t ready to deal with it, run. It always comes out and it is nasty.
- If there is history of abuse, don’t go for it. It will come up again and you wouldn’t want that for your family.
- If they’ve had quite a few divorces, there is a chance they are going to have a few more.
Forever One?: Online Only Dating
Tips for success in relationships that are online only?
- The big one: TRUST. Build trust with your partner.
- Make sure there is attraction. If there is none, chances are they aren’t going to stick around.
- Be the best person you and your partner want you to be.
- COMMUNICATE. Don’t keep secrets and tell your SO everything.
- Make sure you want the same goals in life (i.e. kids)
- Be honest about who you are
- Be honest about what you do
- Be honest about where you go and who you see
- Spend time getting to know the person
- Make sure to communicate daily
Things to watch out for in relationships that are online only?
- Verify that the person lives nearby if that is important to you
- Be cautious about extravagant claims like someone saying they look like Brad Pitt
- Be very careful if someone asks you for money
- Remember that they may not be telling you their true identity
- Make sure you also socialize with people in person as well as spending time with your online friends
- Be nice. Be genuine. Be directly responsive to items in the profile of the woman you’re interested in. Don’t cater your words to the new ‘real-life’ acquaintance.
- Keep the conversation appropriate and don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t want to be permanently online.
- Post a happy, handsome, recent photo. That’s it! That’s the brief! Stick to it and you’re more likely to end up with a perfect match
- Be subtle and sincere with your compliments and your affection
- Make a move if you think she’s interested and then win her over with your humor and personality.
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So what do you think? How do these responses from the many survey takers relate to your situation, relationship, and career goals?