It’s one of the hardest moments you’ll ever have to experience in your entire life – leaving a relationship. Now, this can be because you’ve both mutually decided it was the best decision, but it is going to hurt none-the-less. Such strong ties, whether severed in good spirits or bad, can really hurt in this “abandon ship” situation for long distance relationships.
Something that comes up a lot during career development is the opportunity to relocate. A lot of times, this can be tough for couples and marriages. There is a wide range of tough situations that no one person could possible fully understand.
That’s why I’ve hit the pavement and decided to gather a ton of survey data about the most relevant long distance relationship advice I could find. I posted a survey to hundreds of people about what matters most, and need the most attention, in these situations.
Word of warning: these results have been looked over, but I kept in the raw and personal responses in order to give you the many perspectives of everyone who participated. Sure, some of them are obvious, some are a bit sad, but there are others that will be absolutely enlightening for your situation.
Below is part 4 of this 5 part series on boosting your ability to make a long distance relationship work.
If you’d like to read the rest of the posts, here are parts 1, 2, 3, & 5.
This is “Abandon Ship” part and it covers the following topics:
- Breaking Up
- Healing After Break Up
- Getting Back Together
The format for these parts will be something like this: all parts are broken down into main subsection of the part at hand. Each subsection has a few questions inside. Each question has a large list of responses from the survey takers. That’s it! Now let’s jump right on in.
Abandon Ship: Breaking Up
Top tips in breaking up?
- Be honest and straight forward, don’t beat around the bush.
- Write a “Dear John Letter” to break up.
- You can always text the person and break up that way.
- Call on the phone and just say, I don’t think we should see each other again.
- Don’t answer his calls, text or emails. Leave a note on the front door that you don’t want to date anymore.
- We all know what it feels like to know a relationship is on its last legs but neither party seems willing to step up and end it
- Maybe it’s just easier to coast for a while and hope things get better on their own, but you know better than to actually think that’s a reasonable strategy, right?
- Not speaking up when you know your relationship is over is cowardly, and ultimately it’s not fair to her either
- Sometimes a relationship can stagnate for so long that you can actually forget what it’s like to feel totally alive and happy.
- That dull routine becomes your new benchmark for normal life. Don’t let this happen to you.
What matters most in breaking up?
- Being considerate of the other person’s feelings
- Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes
- Accepting any errors you may have contributed
- Agreeing to not hold grudges
- Do not bad mouth the other person to mutual friends
- What matters most in breaking up is leaving the relationship amicably.
- What matters most in breaking up is making sure that it is a clear cut break up.
- What matters most in breaking up is not getting depressed about it.
- What matters most in breaking up is keeping busy with other things so that you are not tempted to call the other person.
- What matters most in breaking up is knowing that negative things happen for a reason and that there is a bright future ahead, even without the other person.
Abandon Ship: Healing After Break Up
Top tips in healing after a break up?
- Don’t dwell on the past
- Hang out with friends instead of being alone.
- Go out and enjoy life instead of thinking of what could have been.
- Meet new people in social settings
- Don’t keep any of the gifts your past partner gave you.
- Treat yourself to a vacation, just you.
- Spend time alone with your thoughts, healing takes time.
- Go shopping and buy yourself something you’ve been wanting.
- Dispose of all the memories that are laying around the house, get rid of the visual reminders.
- Love yourself, be honest with yourself and treat yourself with love and kindness.
What matters most in personal healing after break up?
- Spending time with others that you love
- Focusing on doing things for yourself
- Find a new hobby
- Take a vacation
- Forgive yourself for anything you may have done wrong
- Taking accountability for your part in the break up
- Temporarily avoiding emotional triggers like the song you danced to
- Reaching out to loved ones for extra support
- Giving yourself time before starting a new relationship
- Being willing to forgive and wish the other person a happy future
Abandon Ship: Getting Back Together
Top tips for getting back together after a break up?
- Give him/her some time
- Do not call or contact immediately after being dumped.
- Be patient
- Try and remind him/her about why they were with you in the first place
- Ultimately, just don’t. Too much hassle
- Evaluate the relationship previously. Was/is it worth it? Was their respect? Did you/will toy make one another happy? Is this/was it good for you and the other person?
- If it before ended on bad terms, try to get to the root of why it fell before. Try to work through those previous issues so they do not arise again if the relationship is deemed worthy enough for another go.
- My suggestion if there is little to no friendship with the person is to “test the waters” after a certain level of comparability and if things are going well. After a couple of weeks of not talking, asking to date again may come across desperate, deceitful, or strange.
- Are there any other people you like that may affect the relationship with your ex (i.e. someone that may have cause the break up or toy have been considering for dating)? This could bring more difficulty into a possibly already difficult problem not only with who you are trying to date, but the other person as well.
- Try to get others’ opinions on the matter if you are unsure. If possible, get opinions of all types from different people. Biased and unbiased can be helpful in different aspects, but always remember it is ultimately you’re decision. Those who have seen your interactions and know the both of you the best may be the best to give you suggestions.
What matters most in getting back together after a break up?
- Better communication between the partners
- Not repeating the same mistakes
- Resolving issues that caused the relationship to end in the first place.
- Make sure you guys are meant to still be together.
- Make sure you guys still have feeling for each other
- Establishing trust
- Establishing a sense of togetherness again
- Establishing a sense of comfort with the person. It won’t be the same as it was before
- Do what you did to have fun the first time you were dating.
- Nothing, i am telling you, it is not worth it.
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So what do you think? How do these responses from the many survey takers relate to your situation, relationship, and career goals?