Long distance relationships can be especially tough in these days of far too much digital communication. SO where do we all begin in this journey to love each other more from afar? We start at the beginning of course. There is hope if we just put a little effort into the start and carry on up from there.
Something that comes up a lot during career development is the opportunity to relocate. A lot of times, this can be tough for couples and marriages. There is a wide range of tough situations that no one person could possible fully understand.
That’s why I’ve hit the pavement and decided to gather a ton of survey data about the most relevant long distance relationship advice I could find. I posted a survey to hundreds of people about what matters most, and need the most attention, in these situations.
Word of warning: these results have been looked over, but I kept in the raw and personal responses in order to give you the many perspectives of everyone who participated. Sure, some of them are obvious, some are a bit sad, but there are others that will be absolutely enlightening for your situation.
Below is part 1 of this 5 part series on boosting your ability to make a long distance relationship work.
If you’d like to read the rest of the posts, here are parts 2, 3, 4, & 5.
This is “The Beginning” part and it covers the following topics:
- Attraction and Flirting
- Appearance and Style
- Dating and Shy People
- Finding Love and Your Soul mate
The format for these parts will be something like this: all parts are broken down into main subsection of the part at hand. Each subsection has a few questions inside. Each question has a large list of responses from the survey takers. That’s it! Now let’s jump right on in.
“Sweat here often?”
The Beginning: Attraction and Flirting
What matters most in attraction and when flirting?
- When you are attracted to someone and you flirt, make sure you don’t go overboard. You don’t want to send the wrong message.
- You better make sure that who you are flirting with is not married or in a relationship.
- Don’t act like a bubble head just because you are attracted to someone. You can still be intelligent and not act stupid with it.
- Don’t let it be you that’s always initiating the flirting. It’s fun to be chased.
- If you are flirting and there is no future in it, move on. Let it go, too much energy.
- Quick responses
- Must feel a connection
- Conversation is natural
- The person is good looking
- The person is someone who has the potential to be with you forever
Pitfalls to avoid in attraction and when flirting?
- Use humor carefully and avoid being sarcastic or hurtful
- Avoid acting too desperate and needy
- Limit the amount of alcohol you drink so you stay in control
- Be careful about flirting in the workplace when it could be used against you
- If you’re shy, find a way to make the first move or at least look friendly and approachable
- Be cautious of deceitful behavior
- Don’t flirt with just the face, flirt with the mind
- Don’t tell them too much about yourself at first
- Don’t just buy them drinks if you are at a bar, talk to them too
- Don’t fall for their tricks
Mirror, mirror on the table – help me pick the right label.
The Beginning: Appearance and Style
What matters most in physical appearance and style?
- Take care of yourself. No one likes a slob on the couch.
- That also has to do with exercise. Not only does it keep your body running healthy, the opposite sex likes it too.
- You don’t have to be in a Vogue magazine all the time but looking nice and presentable doesn’t hurt anyone.
- Learn what the other person likes and dislikes. Maybe you can change it up a little to accommodate their tastes.
- The thing that matters most is don’t go changing everything about yourself just to please others. Find something you like. There is always someone out there who will like what they see about you.
- Having a unique sense of style.
- Carrying oneself with confidence.
- Being someone that has good hygiene.
- For a male, always having their haircut (not a mess.) For a female, if they wear makeup, knowing how to use it properly makes a world of difference.
- Knowing how to dress properly. Style is one thing but knowing what to wear for what occasion is another and is just as important.
Pitfalls to avoid in judging physical appearance and style?
- Get to know somebody’s personality before making any judgments.
- Try not to look at their appearance.
- Don’t take style into account at all, it varies over different regions.
- How nice and caring and hardworking is what really matters, take that into account.
- See how they treat old people and dogs, not what they are wearing.
- Just because somebody is real good looking, that does not mean that the heart matches the outside appearance.
- If someone is not taking care of their physical appearance, they sure are not going to take care of you very well.
- Some folks flash a lot of bling and they may be living in their car.
- If you see someone and they have the ‘gangsta’ facade, they probably are, so stay away from them.
- Someone may seem like they are the total package but, you better try to get to know that person’s heart. You can’t be too careful, these days.
Lost in her hair, Betty never did find her way to the dance.
The Beginning: Dating and Shy People
What matters most in shy or introverted people?
- Not drawing attention to themselves.
- Staying out of the spotlight
- Keeping a low profile.
- Trying not to embarrass themselves.
- Making sure that they’re “flying under the radar”.
- How people see them
- That they listen
- That they can have personal time
- How they look
- How the world perceives them
Pitfalls to avoid in communication with shy or introverted people?
- Don’t take their shyness as a sign of them not being interested.
- Slowly try to get them out of their shell.
- Talk to them about their interests.
- Try to introduce them to new things slowly.
- Tell them you love them and understand how they are feeling.
- Talk about things that they like to talk about.
- Talk with them in a place where you have privacy.
- Provide them with encouraging words.
- Develop a trusting relationship with them.
- Spend time with them in a place where they feel comfortable.
Longest. Kiss. Ever.
The Beginning: Finding Love and Your Soul mate
What matters most in finding love and your soul mate?
- Find something you both have in common.
- Don’t allow for jealousy to come between you.
- If you are committed to one another respect each other.
- Be open about each other’s schedules and compromise.
- Agree on either exclusive distance or a set time to be together.
- Being willing to put forth the effort to sustain a relationship
- Finding someone who shares your fundamental values and goals
- Being compatible about when and if you want to have children and how many
- Being a loving and honest person who is ready for a relationship
- Finding ways to validate your partner on an ongoing basis rather than taking them for granted
Pitfalls to avoid in finding love and your soul mate?
- Avoid coming across as desperate.
- Do not place all your eggs in one basket.
- Do not schedule two dates on the same day.
- Avoid being excessively picky about who you’ll date.
- Do not dress poorly or skip hygiene!
- Watch out for rushing things rather than proceeding at a gradual pace.
- Choose only those people who are truly available for a committed relationship.
- Avoid acting depressed or angry which will drive people away.
- Distinguish between mere physical attraction and deeper connections
- Don’t sit back and expect someone to drop into your life without any effort on your part to go out and meet people
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So what do you think? How do these responses from the many survey takers relate to your situation, relationship, and career goals?