I was in the hardware store one Tuesday afternoon, trying to explain to a young fella why he needed a level on that bookshelf – he couldn’t just eyeball it. He’d bought this fancy digital level and was staring at the screen like it held all the secrets of the universe. “See?” I said, pointing to the bubble in my old glass level. “Simple. Honest. And it doesn’t need a battery.”
He looked from my level to his, then back at me. “Yeah,” he muttered, “but this one gives you more data.”
That’s when it hit me, standing right there in aisle 7 between the screws and the sandpaper. The Church is like that old glass level. It’s straightforward, rooted in a timeless tradition, and doesn’t need to be reinvented every few years. But for so many of our young folks today, they’ve been handed a shiny new “digital level” – a faith that feels complicated, performative, and sometimes, frankly, out of touch.
And the bubble? Well, it’s not staying in the middle anymore.
Why This Matters
We’re talking about more than just empty pews on Sunday. We’re talking about souls. About families. About a generation that is hungry for meaning but is looking for it in all the wrong places – on their phones, in their careers, in political causes. They’ve got good hearts, but they’re confused. And frankly, so are some of us who don’t know how to reach them.
So let’s have ourselves a conversation about this. No sermonizing, no finger-pointing. Just two folks talking over a cold glass of tea on the front porch. Let’s figure out why our millennials are walking away and, more importantly, what in the world we can do to welcome them back home where they belong.
Why They Walked Away: The Three Big Reasons
If you want to understand something, you have to start with the fundamentals. And when it comes to this, there are three big reasons our young adults are feeling disconnected from the Church.
1. The “Culture War” Fatigue 🤯
Growing up, my biggest worries were whether my baseball team would win the championship and if I could sneak an extra piece of my mama’s pecan pie at Christmas. These kids? They’re fighting culture wars before they even get their driver’s license.
Every week, it feels like the Church is in the middle of a national debate – about social issues, about politics, about things that feel so far removed from what faith should be. It’s exhausting. It turns a place of peace into a political battleground. And frankly, many young people don’t want to sign up for that fight.
The Analogy: Think of the Church like a beautiful, old library. For centuries, it was a quiet sanctuary where folks could come to study, pray, and find wisdom. Now, it’s more like a town hall meeting where everyone is shouting, and no one can hear the librarian calling for silence.
2. They Feel Judged, Not Loved 😔
Let’s be honest. We traditional Catholics have a reputation for being… let’s say, particular. We’ve got rules. We’ve got ways of doing things that haven’t changed in 2,000 years. And to someone who grew up with instant gratification and constant validation on social media, it can feel less like “Welcome home!” and more like “Here are the 10,000 things you’re doing wrong.”
The feeling of being judged – for their lifestyles, for their careers, for their choices – is a massive roadblock. They hear “Thou shalt not” loud and clear but struggle to find the “You are loved” message underneath it.
A Saintly Word: recall that St. Francis de Sales once said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Maybe we need to remember that more often. We’re called to love the person, not condemn their imperfections.
3. The “Why Bother?” Syndrome 🙅♂️
This is a big one. In our modern world, you can get everything instantly. Need food? DoorDash. Need information? Google it. Want to feel good about yourself? Scroll through Instagram for 10 minutes.
Faith, on the other hand, isn’t instant. It’s a journey. It requires patience, humility, and showing up even when you don’t “feel” like it. For many millennials, that seems like too much effort for too little payoff. They ask themselves: “What’s the point? What can going to Mass on Sunday do for my rent payment or my relationship?”
They’re not wrong to want faith to be practical. But they’ve forgotten how.
Bringing Them Back Home: A Field Guide
Alright, so we know why they left. Now what? We don’t need a revolution. We just need to get back to the basics of being good neighbors and welcoming friends. Here are some practical ways we can start bridging that gap.
1. Stop Fighting the Culture War and Start Living the Gospel.
This is the most important one, folks. Instead of trying to win arguments on Twitter, let’s try winning hearts by how we live our lives.
Be Kind. Seriously. The next time you see a young family struggling in church, offer them your seat. If you’re at a cookout and someone starts complaining about “the state of things,” change the subject or walk away with grace.
Lead By Example. Be a good father, a good husband, a good employee. Let your integrity be your sermon. People don’t argue with a life lived well.
2. Show Them Radical Mercy.
Remember that parable Jesus told about the Prodigal Son? The dad didn’t say, “Let me see if you’ve shaped up first.” He ran out to meet his boy, kissed him, and threw a party.
Practice It: Invite that young couple over for dinner. Don’t ask them if they’re going to Confession. Ask how their week was. Listen more than you talk. A simple invitation can mean more than any doctrine we could ever preach.
3. Make Faith Practical Again.
We need to show them how faith helps with the real stuff.
Share Your Wisdom: If a young man is struggling to find a job, don’t just say “pray about it.” Say, “Here’s what I did when I was starting out.” Share your practical wisdom. Faith isn’t an escape from reality; it’s a guide through it.
4. Get Involved in Their World.
They’re online. So are we. Join a Facebook group for parents in your parish. Start a podcast about applying Catholic principles to modern life. Find ways to meet them where they are, without compromising who we are.
* A Fun Challenge: This weekend, try talking to someone under 30 at church. Not to “fix” them, but just to say, “How’s your week going?” You’d be amazed what a simple question can do.
The Real Solution: It Starts With Us
At the end of the day, this isn’t about finding some perfect strategy to get millennials back in church. That’s like trying to push a rope.
The real solution is for us – the older generation – to become saints again. To let our light shine so brightly that they can’t help but be drawn to it.
It’s about humility. It’s about acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, we haven’t gotten everything right. But it’s also about having the confidence to say, “This is what I know. This is the truth that has given my life meaning. And I invite you to come see for yourself.”
My mama used to say, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” She was a wise woman.
Let’s not use vinegar. Let’s bake a pie instead. Let’s make our parishes places of warmth and welcome, where the most important thing isn’t whether your tie is straight or if you know all the Latin, but that you are home among people who love you.
The Church isn’t a museum to be preserved in glass. It’s a living field hospital for sinners. And every single one of us – young and old, saint and sinner – has a place at its table.
So let’s set another plate. The Lord is waiting for them.