Confidence is a huge factor in getting things done. This is especially true when it comes to making your life better. Much like riding a bike, you won’t be confident in your ability to change until you give it a shot. And sometimes that means shooting a whole lot.
Something you’ll keep seeing in self-help books, and not surprisingly the Bible, is the idea that you must fall down to get back up again. You’ve got to be shown that you aren’t able to do everything perfectly the first time through. A trial by fire is needed to ignite your life.
By working on your strengths, you will build your confidence. By learning how to grow your leadership abilities, you will make yourself a better parent, spouse, worker, and giver. By learning about better communication skills, you’ll be able to express yourself without fear. By living life with more knowledge and practice you will demolish the fear of the unknown.
What is confidence? Thinking you can do something, whether or not you have proof. Be the supplier of your own inner fuel. Work up your internal motivation and forge it into the confidence to get things done. Work on your strengths here and let that fear walk away. You don’t need it anymore.
We All Need Helping in Getting Things Done
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Commitment. Is this a scary word or what? It is both scary and very important. It’s something you’ll have to do to see any kind of change out of the things you’re interested in. Not just involvement – commitment. Let me throw a fable at you real quick.
A Pig and a Chicken are walking down the road.
The Chicken says, “Hey Pig, I was thinking we should open a restaurant!”
Pig replies, “Hm, maybe, what would we call it?”
The Chicken responds, “How about ‘BACON-N-EGGS’?”
The Pig thinks for a moment and says, “No thanks. I’d be committed, but you’d only be involved.”
Commitment. It’s about being all-in. Resolving yourself to seeing something through. That doesn’t mean you have to get the high-score, it just means you want to try.
A big help in seeing commitments through is realizing that it’s not a matter of failing or succeeding. You will always succeed – it’s just a matter of quality and time to get there. The next time you get knocked down, remember this. You didn’t fail, you just got less quality and are taking a very long time to do it. You can still make it right, if you want to.
A win is just a high quality, on-time finish. Aim for high quality and on-time, but don’t worry too much about the lesser quality, slightly-late stuff. You can still get it. Maybe it’s just time to bring out the goal-laser. Bring out the big guns when you need them.
Get ready to write yourself a note, right now, and put it up on your desk. Grab your pen (a blue felt-tip or a sharpie is a great idea), a post-it note or index card, and write this on it:
“I will do my best to find at least one life-changing thing as I study ___________.”
- Fill in the blank with your current interests.
- Now sign it.
- Now date it.
- Now put it up somewhere you can see it, often.
Now let’s do this, right? It’s time to learn more about this world. Are you ready?
Goals and goal setting – is there a topic more beat to death? I know I’ve done a post or few, and still see them popping up daily. I’ll spare you another go round, but I have something very important to point out.
You’ve probably run across a bunch of articles, books, and advice along the lines of:
- Make a gigantic to-do list and categorize by ABC/123
- Get a folder for each day and keep at it
- Make sure your goals are SMART
- Take your SMART goals further and make them RED-E
- Forget goals; don’t make goals – just live life
- What’s a goal?
I think I missed a few hundred or so. The point – there are many different tools to tackling goals. None are wrong by themselves.
You wouldn’t take a hammer to a screw, right? How about a butter knife to a steak? How about a pencil to sign your Will? You have to pick the right tool for the right job.
Think of each goal setting method as a different tool. The “forget goals – just live” approach is probably best for your vacations and fun stuff. A single, prioritized to-do list is great for home chores and duties. The SMART & RED-E approach is a laser for the extra difficult goals.
Using the SMART & RED-E method on a daily chore would drive you bonkers. It would also be equally silly to throw your life passion journey to the “oh, who knows” way.
See all of the goal methods as valid, but situational. Pick your tool for the right job. It’ll take some trial and error on your part, but it’s a heck of a lot better than dropping goals because you used the wrong tool.
Back in my college years, I remember spending a lot of time trying to find the right place to study. I tried the food-court and that was a big mistake. I tried the grass in the reflecting pool area and all I got were ant bites. I even tried the library only to find out they turned into hang-out zones. Whatever happened to the librarian passing around heavy shushes?
I slowly started to notice what did work and what didn’t. I realized I needed quiet, lots of space, adequate lighting, and a warm temperature (75 to 85 degrees Fahrenheit to be particular). I could get work done in any situation, but that optimal setting seemed to kick my efforts up a notch. Efforts to super-charge the experience.
Learning with the Brain in Mind
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Ready to go on an adventure? Grab your snacks, your drinks, your walking shoes, and let’s go. You’re in the middle of a thick forest and you have what you have – everything you need, for sure. Except for your destination.
There are some situations where no amount of preparation can get you over all humps. You can work on those things that you are best at, but there’s something along the way that puts a cap on your progress. You can’t go camping for a very long time without previous experience.
Do a simple internet search on strengths and you’ll find a whole lot of the same thing: “focus on your strengths and ignore your weaknesses.” A lot of the advice says to not waste your time on stuff you suck at because – well, you suck at it.
But guess what? What if your biggest weakness is holding you back from growing your best strengths? What if that one big weakness is the weak link in your success chain?
Where’s the Weakest Link?
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It takes more than a few self-help, leadership, parenting, and entrepreneur books to see a pattern. But patterns do show when you get into the thick of it all. I’ve been through hundreds of these types of books just in the last few years. Let me tell you, the outline of the “Life Story” is really showing.
Think about your favorite movies for a bit. There are probably a few that just struck you as awesome – and maybe a bit too similar to each other for comfort. There are two important features here: quality and meaning.
- Quality: how much you enjoyed the movie or how “sticky” it was.
- Meaning: how much of a “chord” it struck with you.
Did you know there are only a handful of movie story-line plots to go by? Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath boil them down to 3 main types.
- Challenge: “David vs. Goliath” — the underdog, rags-to-riches, and sheer willpower wins story.
- Connection: “Good Samaritan” — developing relationships to bridge a gap (like race, class, social).
- Creativity: “MacGyver” — someone making a mental breakthrough.
That’s it. Sure, there are some flavors that you can add to those base ingredients, but the main stories are all the same. Look back at your favorite movies again. I bet you can fit each one into one of those three plot-types when you try.
Why is this important? Because it’s you noticing a pattern. You are noticing a structure, an archetype, a formula to get things done. Being able to notice these types of patterns gives you a very powerful way to look at life.
Tools and Toolboxes for Your Core
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 Look to the sky. See any clouds? What do you think they’re made of? Air, condensation, dust, magic, and unicorns? Chances are you’ve never checked for yourself. You had to rely on the research of someone else. And you’re perfectly fine with that.
But what in the credibility arena did it for you? Was it the authority of the person that did the research? The number of degrees they held or letters behind their name? Or maybe since you didn’t have the time or resources to check, you decided to consider others’ work as the only realistic option?
Tools to Find – Tools to Try
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I’ve seen plenty of advice that says it’s good to write down your thoughts into a journal. However, I never took it seriously in the past. I only had a pocket-journal that didn’t do much of anything other than take up some space.
Then I picked up a fancy case bound journal – the paper feels real good and is nice to write on. There’s something about having this more ‘special’ way to capture my ideas that tickled my unconscious fancy. I just seemed more willing to jot stuff down in the fancy journal than in the pocket-journal.
Some will swear by a napkin and others will swear by an audio app on your phone (I recommend Note Everything for Android owners – it rocks). I use a fine combination of all of them – temporarily. My “home-base” is the fancy journal. I just keep coming back to it with all of my napkins, post-its, audio recordings, and sketches. Part of this is having a home-base to use and the other part is convincing yourself your thoughts are important enough to record.
Have you ever looked back on some of your work from high school? What about from a past job or hobby? The memories come flooding back and the lessons learned pop into the fore-front real quick like. It’s as if you’re transported back in time with the knowledge you’ve gained since.
Your journals, records, and drawings are a vast resource. You’ll be amazed at what you gather whether you use them as a spark for your next brainstorming session or to capture the storm of ideas that float though you daily. Remember to capture those moments of inspiration. They might not make sense now, but they will later.
Convince yourself that your thoughts are important enough to record. Do what works for you. Test, retest, but eventually pick your home-base and know your thoughts count.
Think of journaling as rewarding yourself for thinking. And start journaling now.
By the way, did you know Sir Richard Branson has over 250 journals with his recorded thoughts and ideas? Draw your own conclusions.
What do you use to record your thoughts, feelings, and creativity? I want some ideas!
“When you wake up in the morning at a quarter to five
and you just can’t wait to come alive,
You brush your teeth ch ch ch ch, ch ch ch ch….”
– Raffi
Besides the occasional slow day, how often do you forget to brush your teeth? How about comb your hair? Take a shower? Eat breakfast? Put on your seatbelt? Mow your lawn? Check your bank account? Watch “So You Want to be the Next Big Thing #7″ on TV?
Not often, I bet. For whatever reason, you have built up a habit of doing these things. You’ve gone through the learning stage and are now at the “I don’t even have to think about it anymore” stage. That’s called “unconscious competence” by the way.
This is all part of the Learning Curve. A fancy little line that shows we start off with nothing, we meet difficulty, we start to learn, and eventually we’re awesome at it. ‘It’ is everything you’ve ever learned, or tried to learn, in your life.
Expect to Try, Not to Win
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You go through different stages in life. You start out wondering if someone is going to feed you on a regular basis. Then, you gain some words and start wondering how far you can go before someone tells you to shush. Shortly after, you’re zipping around in a car and there are no adults in sight. Then you move on and get a desk-job. Life happens.
All along these stages, your expectations change. You ask yourself different questions and live your life with different rules.
A psychologist named Erik Erikson extensively studied these stages and came up with a nice summary. His results detail the age ranges, the biggest troubles for each age, what main life questions are asked, and how society plays into it all. I threw a chart together to capture the gist of his work. Below is a small piece – here’s the full Erikson Psychosocial Development Chart.
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It was the summer of 1995 when I won the world championship weight-lifting challenge. Granted, I was in a middle-range weight class, but I did it none-the-less. And can you guess the best part of the whole thing? I didn’t work out a single day of my life prior to the competition. Yup, not even a pushup. No special diets, no rigorous training plans, no real planning what so ever.
Of course, that glorious win ended after my morning alarm went off.
It just isn’t possible. No one on this planet could get any accomplishment done without putting in some real effort. Some type of work or elbow grease to get the job done. You can’t just think you’re way into a job. No amount of wishing is going to solve all of your problems.
What am I talking about? Self-Growth Exercises. Practicing what you learn to make it ‘stick’ in your life.
There are exercises all over the web and self-help books that are meant to solidify what you learn. It’s important that you attempt the exercises you come across. Not everything will seem useful, but give them a shot with a childlike curiosity. See what comes out and what you can learn. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, but that you learn along the way.
You may run across an exercise or two that don’t seem relevant because of some weird detail. It would be better for you to change that detail to something that makes sense than to not do the exercise at all. In other words, look for ways to make the work, work. Seek to learn and apply. Application is a key to bringing good work to life.
Remember to Take a Break, Too
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Have you ever been to a science or fine arts museum? There are displays and things to look at around every corner. Some really strike a chord with you and some just bounce off. No biggie, right? You wouldn’t expect everything in there to tickle your fancy. But you would consider it a good day out on the town, right? You can see it as a good exploration through things new to you.
Take the same approach to this website and the ideas here. Not every piece of information will hit home when it comes to your personal life. I’m not in front of you at a coffee shop hearing you share your every hope and desire. I can’t possibly tailor this website for the infinite character that is in everyone.
I aim for what works best for most folks. A lot of the information, exercises, and ideas I use here over the years will be new or just a different take on the familiar. I don’t expect all of what’s presented here to make an impact on everyone. I do know that at least one thing on this website will change your life forever. What I don’t know is when.
Keep your eyes open for that one thing. Tune your ears, your attention, and your curiosity toward finding at least that one thing. I have a sneaking suspicion you’ll find much more, but let’s focus your curiosity on finding the big one for now. Open your mind and rekindle your childhood curiosity.
Have your mind on how the information here can help you, instead of how it can’t. I think you’ll be surprised with the results, but then again – you might not be surprised at all. Give it a shot, and expect the best.
Let’s keep on blogging and keep on growing.
What do you expect to get out of this website?
I’ve learned a lot about writing over the past few years (enough to know I still have a long way to go). Paying special attention to writer’s block has turned up a wonderful piece of advice. Something scary enough to stop professional writers dead in their tracks deserves some attention. Here goes.
Do doctors get doctor’s block? How about meteorologists – do they get meteorologists’ block? Do gardeners get gardener’s block? Accountants get accounter’s block? Cooks get cooker’s block? See where I’m going here? There are plenty of jobs out there – if you see them as just jobs. You can begin to see that a professional level of performance requires a professional mindset. Just do it, so to speak.
I can tell myself I’m no good at making wood furniture because it’s just my hobby. I would be way out-of-line to tell myself I can slack off raising my kids. I can’t – it’s part of who I am. I have a duty, a service, and a commitment to raise my kids and help my family.
By being committed to a duty, promise, and path of life, you do what it takes to get stuff done. Sure, some days are harder than others and your output isn’t tip-top. That’s okay – it happens to us all. On average, you do the best you can and you do fine.
What it Will Take for Effective Personal Change
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I’ve gone through my fair share of self-development advice books. There is a ton of great stuff out there and I’ll recommend them as I come across them. But, with a large library of resources to fall back on or into, I really began to notice some differences.
Some self-improvement methods just seem to strike a chord with me more than others. I really like details, technical hoopla, and tons of research. But it’s not something I want to read over and over again.
The approach I take on this site is a combination of what has worked for me and what I think will work for most folks. Here are the three feet to my self-help stool.
It’s Got to be Accessible
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I recently enrolled Exposing the Learning Curve into Amazon’s Kindle Select program. Not sure how awesome the Select program is, but it did come with a nice bonus. The ability to give my book away for free! Well, for a total of 5 days in 3 months, anyway.
I’m throwing my last 3 Promotion days together this Tuesday through Thursday — midnight PST on 01/24 to midnight PST on 01/26.
The Book Pitch Intro
Sometimes you get in a rut and aren’t really sure what to do. You mope about and wonder when you’ll finally get that big break to carry you above life’s messes. What if that break never comes? Does your desire to learn end right there? It just might… unless you know where you stand on the Learning Curve.
In this revealing book, you will learn how to spot which Phase you are in, grow your way to the next level through relevant exercises, and how to strengthen your best traits in the process. Power through the learning brick-wall and take control of your future.
Why Should You Care?
- You’ll gain self-awareness, instead of blindly ramming into roadblocks.
- You’ll feel the confidence that comes with knowing what to expect.
- You’ll live the joy of rediscovering your past interests.
- You’ll learn what it takes to win next time.
- You’ll learn to do more, by being more.
What Makes This Book Different?
- You get a small piece of the “learning pie” and devour it – leaving you full of goodness. This is not the be-all and end-all to learning theory, but it’s a dang good slice.
- I’m not a fan of big words, when they’re not needed. You pay more attention to a string of small words than a blur of $1.97 words. You know them, I know them – let’s just talk.
- The time invested is small – you’ll finish this book in one evening. The lessons will endure for much longer.
For less than a can of soda (especially since it’s free), you can have new understanding to help you to the next level.
Go get it for yourself, digest it, and get ready for that ah-ha moment.
Then There Was the End – And a New Beginning
And since this post will still be here after the promotion days, I enabled loaning the Kindle eBook. Ya’ll please loan the book out as much as you’d like. Free is fun, especially if there’s learning going on.
Hope it serves you well and have a great day!
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Here’s What I Trust & Use
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